Fic: Stuffed Luv, Bert/Ernie, Bert/Kermit, Ernie/Oscar, R

Title: Stuffed Luv
Author: Blackkoda the Balrog (blackkoda@yahoo.com)
Rating: R for language
Pairing: Bert/Ernie, Bert/Kermit, Ernie/Oscar
Fandom: Sesame Street and Muppets
Disclaimer: No assumptions are made upon the orientations of puppets, muppets or Jim Henson creations. No money, no foul, no common sense.
Summary: Infidelity amongst the stuffed
A/N: Done in 30 minutes for the contrelamontre dialog challenge.
Warning: If you don’t want to be traumatized by the idea of your childhood favorites getting slashed then don’t read. Unbeta'd



***

“You’re one sick little muppet, do you know that?”

“…”

“I can see a loose string. You’d better be careful that you don’t lose any stuffing. Really, I can’t decide who’s worse: Oscar for doing those things to you or you for liking it?”

“Look, Bert. I don’t want to discuss it. It was your idea in the first place for an open relationship. I don’t complain about all the time you spend at Kermit’s, do I? Fuck! Where are my socks? Did you see them?”

“You did laundry yesterday. Speaking of – What did you do with my stripped shirt?”

“I sent it to the cleaners to get the lube stains out. Must be Kermit’s brand. Hmph. Rosehips…what a fucking girl.”

“Don’t talk about Kermit like that. You suppose I like you coming in here smelling like…like a garbage can!”

“I’m not in the mood for your shit, Bert. Why don’t you go back into the kitchen and sing ‘The Rainbow Connection’ like you were this morning. Better yet, why don’t you go live with the green girly girl in her swamp.”

“This is half my house and we are domestic partners, Ernie. Are you saying that you want to call it off?”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you? Just wanna get rid of me….”

“Ernie… Ernie, don’t cry.”

“What the fuck, Bert? How did everything get so… fucked up?”

“…I dunno.”

“Do you love him? Do you love Kermit?”

“A little.”

“Great! Fucking Great!”

“…But not as much as I love you. He reminds me of the way things used to be with you…except we don’t sing many songs about alphabets, we don’t do household chores and all either... no matching pajamas…But what about Oscar? Do you love him? I know that he’s a better top than I am… And that, well he's hung bigger and-.”

“That’s not why I’m with him, Bert. A little extra stuffing between the legs isn’t everything. I need attention and something wild! You like to sit around here, reading your newspaper and being grumpy. That’s all well and good but you know what I want and I want it from you. But you and your morals…”

“Ernie…I’m not into those kinky things, you know that…”

“You don’t even try to experiment, Bert. Just once, I like you to spank my fuzzy bottom, to handcuff me to the letter A, or…or make me lick your tight yellow hole.”

“Ernie…I told you… Oscar's putting those perverse thoughts into your head. Kermit-.”

“Don’t say his name in our house! If we’re to have an open relationship then it ceases when we get in this house. Besides, that little green fucker can’t do for you…what I can.”

“Um. Er. Ernie?”

“Mmmm, you’re so handsome with your little black tuft. Here. And here.”

“Errrrrn…”

“Yes, Daddy?”

“Uhhh….”

“Bet Kermit won’t lick you, suck your balls until the felt is all wet and hot. Probably puckers his face or giggles or something. He can’t give you what I can give you. And you can do what ever you want with me. Especially, when I’m naughty, Bert.”

“Ernie, I don’t know. I mean we’ve discussed it before and I’m…I’m just not into it.”

“Funny, the stuffing is pretty firm here. What’s that Styrofoam? Sure isn’t cotton.”

“Urrrggh.Ohhhh, Ernie.”

“Come on, Bert. Loosen up a bit. Our relationship needs to broaden its horizons, I think.”

“MMmmm… Ernie?”

“Hmm?”

“C-can I…can I cum in your mouth?”

“Of course you can, Bert… Of course.”

The End